whatbigjodontknow

Psst HMD

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Sun, 11 May 2008 05:04:25 -0700

Every Hallmark card screams (politely) Happy Mother's Day. And yet for all the happy folks on this day, the holiday, too, masks its melancholy secrets. There is the one that as much as we honor and praise our mothers, we prefer other's parenting advice. And then there is the secret desires covered up by the day, women who wish they were moms but can't be and those who are but live with simmering, secret resentment.

** HMD Big Jo. Your Secrets are "safe" with me. **

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(Un)Secret Ballots

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Sat, 10 May 2008 05:20:52 -0700

Occasionally, secrets have no power. Such is one more ingredient in the Myanmar/Burma stew of oppression and misery. According to a Reuters dispatch, at a "rehearsal" for today's secret ballot offered in secrecy, "voters were told they didn't have to vote again on polling day, because their votes had already been counted."

The only thing not secret about the vote is who will win -- although, presumably, it is not yet decided by how much of a margin of victory the repressive regime will provide itself.

** Big Jo yearns to learns the secrets of power the M/B regime knows, but the regime fears it won't learn in time Big Jo's knack for continuing in power. **

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All Their Secret Powers

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Fri, 09 May 2008 04:52:36 -0700

Has the Bush administration lost its power to rule without public legitimacy?

It seems doubtful, but it is still hopeful that the FBI desire to learn everyone's secret interests (via internet logs they probably didn't even know are kept) and the President's various declarations of secret powers enabling him to ignore the rules of law -- except those he likes or creates without aid from the legislature-- are being discovered and questioned.

Of course, not to go too Philip K. Dickesque on y'all, it is still possible that a secret government has been created that will not be found, overruled or conquered by the new administration taking "power" in January 2009.

** Big Jo makes the rules. She doesn't know any other way. **

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Secret Swap

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Thu, 08 May 2008 05:37:27 -0700

The thing about secrets that confuzzles is that the people who own them don't think they'll come out. Even when they themselve reveal them. Simon Foster, for example, fell on bad times after going on a the British show "Wife Swap" and having his character defined by being in a relationship whether both partners had girlfriends. So there was embarrasment, then divorce, then substance abuse and job loss and, finally, either suicide or a tragic drug accident. Which, thanks to his bit of celebrity, will remain forever unsecret via the internet.

** Big Jo always believes that what is good for the gander is good for the gander and the goose can go f**k himself (and only himself), unless an alternative is good for the gander. **

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Suprise v. Secret

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:03:34 -0700

Witness-wise, what exactly is the difference between a "secret witness" and a "surprise witness?" For example, singer RR Kelly's trial is delayed because of a secret witness who may testify that she was part of the three-way with an underage girl, while political fixer Tony Rezko faces more heat because of a surprise witness who claims to have abeted a couple of his corruptions.

** For Big Jo, the delicious secret is also the most surprising. **

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An Expensive Cybersecret

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Tue, 06 May 2008 05:06:45 -0700

ZOWIE!!!!!

A potential $30 billion dollar secret -- cause if you are going to keep a secret, it should be a big one -- has some U.S. Senate folks dismayed. They're not in on it. So, Senators Lieberman and Collins are pleading (every five months or so) to learn about the country's new Comprehensive National Cybersecurity Initiative, which is supposed to zoidrqlkrhy;o7yudfarh (Sorry, that's classified info we can't share. But maybe this guy will explain it in his next book.)

** The last thing you want to do is take Big Jo's money and then not let her know how you'll spend it. **

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What Were You Thinking?

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Mon, 05 May 2008 05:07:15 -0700

The secrets in the mind of Josef Fritzl are hidden in darkness probably too deep to ever be considered. But what was his sister-in-law thinking? Christine R was willing to be interviewed and have her picture taken along with her chihuahua, but believes her anonymity will be preserved by reserving her last name from public consumption.

** There's a limit to the power of secrecy. Unfortunately, keeping something hidden doesn't keep it from ever having happened. **

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Baby Shower

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Sun, 04 May 2008 05:22:19 -0700

There is certainly something to be said about those who maintain propriety, who don't pry into the affairs of others. Still, it is a bit hard to understand how a Long Beach (Calif.) teenager kept her pregnancy secret until just after the contractions came during a shower, which led to her walking her newborn to the hospital to have the umbilical cord unwrapped from around its neck.

** Don't expect Big Jo to be able to explain why all secrets aren't revealed. **

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Secret Battle: Urawaza v. Heloise

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Sat, 03 May 2008 04:49:23 -0700

Marketing is the massage. Again. Always claim to have knowledge of the unknown, because it is so much cooler to say you are using secret Urawaza rather than claim you're relying on Heloise's hints. To one up your friends, family or enemies even further, claim your life hacks are stolen from the "Ito Family Dinner Table" (second post) and hope your audience isn't familiar with Japanese television ... or the internet.

** To ward off Big Jo remember you can almost always fluster with [foreign] culture. **

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Can You Keep a Secret (in song)

nobody@vox.com(whatbigjodontknow) — Fri, 02 May 2008 05:27:49 -0700

Welcome to Friday's ménage à secrets. Except we'll put les trois in competition, not in conjunction. So, two songs and one band battle for primacy over the unknown.

First up, is Japanese pop nightingage Utada Hikaru asking:

Utada Hikaru - Can you keep a secret

Then comes four Jersey boys, whose answer to Can You Keep a Secret seems to be they want to be the NJ's punk Frankie Vallis.

And, lastly but hardly leastly is the ditty -- again, "Can You Keep a Secret" -- from Andy of the Slack String Band

Can You Keep a Secret?

** Secret or not. Answer or not. Clever or not. Doesn't matter. Nothing of such pop is what Big Jo aches to discover. **

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